Nothing, Nowhere, Never

Small translucent petals stuck to your skin

Dance away in the breeze

And seasoned the October winds

I heard your halo slowly form

As cold crashing ships

Above us drift

Catching their massive misty sails

On the child like limbs of slow burning stars

I thought of how impossibly warm your palm was

Though slipping away

So far away

Your voice is the only one I can still clearly hear

Whenever I open my mouth to scream

"How long can you wait?"

Rapture

stay awhile...

It's hard to ever know

which worlds have ended with your words

and harder to know just when.

I thought I saw a small light there

glow for just a second

within the edges of the frame where we had been

I turned you over in my hands

and traced the image

of that long gone town


A photograph

A cardinal mask

that you wore as your phantom crown


And there where the clouds used to gather,

on the hill where we used to play,

A simple fact

has come to pass.

"When we look, we look away"

When Heaven Is Deserted (in answer)

Chariot

Your teeth clenched tight

Jaw locked tight

As fear weaves a cold hand through your hair

(What should I tell her?)

When we know not what to call it

There is no control

But still I needed you to justify

This light that lies before us

Illuminates this crippled season

Forever is a place that has passed us by

It would have been the first time

I looked into your eyes

Lay your perfect body down.

When Heaven Is Deserted

Chariot

don't make a sound

as tears dance through your fingers

(what should I tell him?)

we know not what to call it

when there is no feeling

but still, I needed you to know

there are still many seasons left

for us to conquer

and forever remains ours to forgive

it would have been the first time I held your hand

faithless

Shine

On such a distant shore

Where constant braying sunlight

Still occasionally splashes uneven kisses

On the white stone surface

Of all the bones and empty homes on streets we used to dream down

In this lonely corner of the world.

Though time has been reluctantly accepted

As a constant division of our will

And you platinum pounding warriors heart

Strums sweet chords of twilight still

I believe you taste the same slow sounds

Of night's gentle arrival

And breathe her gifts of silence and unity

In the solitary place that you now occupy

There above in the cold winter sky

May you never fail to burn

Brighter

With every impossible wish I make

To see your face again

if there is no one left to replace us......

your voice once had so many colours

petals kissed frozen streets

light from above

an orange halogen glow

reflecting the small steps in two sets

of footprints

walking towards the water

hoping to find your ghost tonight

and forgive the four seasons

for there is nothing to hold tonight

in these tiny clenched fists

and hardly any strength left to stand

it is not a bad thing to fall

without you

A Fragment

I watched you blink in and out
winking like stars shining in daytime
the ghost of Autumn
and a shield of rain

You once were a part of my life...

Cunning

I'll let you know how it looks

but I have been this way for too long

laid to rest and time for change

when Fall is a prison

and it's useless trying to charm one kiss

from the November snakes you wear

wrapped around your shoulders

the only way to surrender

your voice was a sapphire

on a leash of slow falling snow

you sang with such trauma

in your wild dark eyes

in shallow spaces where nothing is big

if only you were still here to be my breath

in cold platinum embrace

you chose to live

Terms of Surrender

still

sun crouches

for what passes for time these days

for what passes away

for all the stars that stalk you

still waiting for you to pass by my window again

she whispers a name in her heart

still....

A Cardinal Mask

I dreamt of your strangest gaze

As moonlight like music, so dim

trickled from your magnetic gleaming angel lips

passionless and failing in the certain colours

of the purest night

You have coiled yourself so gently around my heart

And I know we will meet again

As sure as I recognize the scent of your shadow

slowly creeping to my bed

Were I the one to design your heart XII

I caught a glimpse too late

But made a vow,

As a way to see you again

Though eternity struggles to cope with now.

In transit moments of the shifting waves

I remember so clearly how your body moved

In the warm light of morning through frosted panes

There is love....

Where centuries of illusion called your name,

(Though now you are the trigger)

Though our beautiful paper angels,

(Created by the very fury of our love)

Have blinded the very voice of every black building that ever doubted us,

Overlooking the sea

Where the sun shines no more.....

There is love.

Through legions of faded hearts

As our scarlet guardians grow large in the sky

And razor Winter shatters for us in time

As our clear circle of terror turns in equal ways

Our future becomes the present,

And as we sleep we hope to dream...

Of a chance to begin again

Where are you?

There is love.....

December

Were I the one to design your heart XI

As my assassin I salute you

And pay respect to storm clouds of vanishing dreams

Bright lights of salvation burn

Through the last few remaining leaves

On the tree of life again

I have clearly seen your eyes through my maelstrom

And in the briefest, cruelest glimpse of final sunlight

As our comets crash

We slip Away again

And drowning you can't tell me

And I can't tell you....

( _ ____ ___ )

November

Were I the one to design your heart X

In reflection, 10 years ago....

When even the gulls were frozen

In muted skies of disbelief

When we were as simple as Autumn rain

The house we grew up in and the yard where we'd play

When Sundays traced by like slow motion

When razor Winter was so far across the ocean....

When I held you close in that room with frosted panes

When every song you shook from your hair sang my name

When your black army jacket danced in the breeze

On that October night you saved me from the sea

When war was just a spot on the news

And we walked through the snow with painted hearts on our boots

When we thought these days never end.

Could never end

How could I have agreed to go?

To pass into the open arms of sorrow while you suffered alone.

Still, torrents of paper angels fall from your hair

I hold you shining eyes with mine and swear.....

Nothing could have ever kept us apart

If only I were the one to design your heart.

October

Were I the one to design your heart IX

Open your eyes

Tell me it's not too late

The darkest vehicle for the heart is the mind

And all you thought you'd left behind

Awaits patiently but not without mercy

To collect the debt we all must pay

And in submission and with regret

Her last kisses crash down, just for them

As every perfect grey day left

Overcast and open eyes

And a tiny shallow space

Where his broken body drifts among the splintered timber

There in the dreaming arms of the sea.

"I'm almost home"

September

Were I the one to design your heart VIII

A ruined truth blows through frozen flames

staring into glassy eyes

and for just an instant she thought she once held a name

aside from this tempest

the companion of razor winter's barbed wire skies

in a sixty second sentiment

she has lost her heart

and can only continue to run

so cold blows the wind

from this storm she has become

August

Were I the one to design your heart VII

Sailing on her frozen sea

On the cold moonless night of his enemy

Doomsday

He vows to remember how

To fall through wind

Through rain

Through noise

Through energy

And through the clouds

Where silence takes you

Where he understands she blooms again

As sure as he knows her scent on the wind

Beautiful and deadly

July

Were I the one to design your heart VI

The whirlpools below have made her a slave

An all encompassing fury

(and who is this who has called her back?)

From up on high the image shifts

She sees that boat crash through thick mists

And thinks of nothing but destruction.

Her essence through the ether as a scream of pain

Driving down dark skies faster than the rain

Red ribbons spoil the air around her broken frame

She takes this moment to become the sea

To crush this hateful vessel that MUST be

That which has prevented her ascension

And what would one need to break every window on this world?

Grayscale rainbows darkly shine

And fall into her sad, expanding body

She has refused the 11th hour

My nemesis, my love....

June

Were I The One To Design Your Heart. V

There through the screams on the cerulean winds

He thought he heard his siren's call

Another drunken mariner's tale to tell...

And on this lurching ship on sick serpent seas

dark shadows grow longer and pull him to his knees

A forced gaze skyward

Where beauty never failed to fade

And lifeblood spills like captured whispers

Snapping on the heels of a hurricane

Within the ghost land of her breaking heart

There's no place he would rather be

As beautiful paper angels rain into the sea

Surrounded and coveted

And walking through fire

May

Were I The One To Design Your Heart. IV

Adrift

Cradled by the last vestigial feverish flames of your phoenix

Rising

On a damp evening the world has stopped its silhouettes

A half remembered moon confirms this miracle

One chance

One last chance

to fly back into your heart

I dedicate this journey to all we ever were

With this tired, tattered ship to you I will return

Escape the grip of razor winter

Through frozen stars and fog

And follow the faint but steady sound

Of my heart blind dialogue

To home

To peace

To you........

April

Were I The One To Design Your Heart. III

She forces herself to pretend he does not exist

Though still sharing his breath through morning mists

And each time the blissful sun quietly counts its coins

She hears his eyes fixed lovingly on her dreams.....


When life is this obscene

When death is endless protest to your absence

When everything on the road changes true

When every fall colour becomes the void in you

I will finally remember your name.

March

Were I The One To Design Your Heart. II

To bring him back from black buildings

she has stolen away

every last ounce of pain he once felt

and swore on 6 cold comets passing

to never give it back

flat on her back...

releasing herself from the last flicker of this kingdom of candlelight

from behind closed lids

from her own warriors heart

as her broken wings cascade around her shoulders and fall to the floor

as the pine forest sways along with the tide

as a distant flock of stars despair through the sky

she erases every last moment

that flashes before her eyes

and so it goes.......

for love and for trauma

February

Were I The One To Design Your Heart. I

To see you just once more...

On those empty streets where your shadow still blooms bright

Despite the crashing cannons that tear through the night

He carves a dark anchor so that he may better face

The unrelenting questioning that is bound to come

In the arc light wine breath of the setting sun

On the south side prayers

Where black buildings hum,

Where silence takes you..........


Just do your best to not think of it now,

But lower your tired broken body down

I am turning away from the light

And we are on fire.


January

The start of something new....

the next twelve or so posts will be thematically linked using the 12 months to relate a narrative dialogue.
The beginning will be from "January" and it will culminate in some sort of resolution in "December"
It is still a work in progress but I hope that it will be of passing interest to anyone who happens to read this page from time to time. Thank you so much to those who have continued to visit these pages and I hope to be more productive following this endeavor....
if anyone would like further clarification on the intended progression of the story that I will be trying to tell I will be more than happy to elaborate on the background of this piece. Do get in touch....
without any further ado...

here we go.......

The one

Dark gold seeds in coal black pavement skies

burst through cold winter comets

when she learned to deceive

the avatars eye

three sad smiles falling forever bound

where your stained glass body

burst on the ground

I remember how you loved to watch blue heaven blooming

then dying at your door

the scenery would freeze...

petrified

On that November morning when you blew your mind.

I stole everything that we once had.

Where Silence Takes You II

She saw her own discretion

in the way that she coyly clicked down rain slicked cobblestones

failing to follow the heavy crushing swell

of the advancing mobs

and in fact divorcing herself completely

from all the pride her parents once felt

what once seemed just a timid dream

had become the reason to swallow her screams

stowing away from so much make believe

and falling away from the long shadows

of gargantuan black buildings

she is preparing herself to be so bold

to find him once more

and never

let

go.

waiting for you

several solar sigils blink out

passing into the low clouds below

this has happened several thousand times now

at the place where she raised her willowy arms above the horizon

leaving tender branches broken in the sudden wind

and you hum like a hurricane

such a sweet melody of regret

withering on the watchful burning breeze

sweet thing......

her collaboration with the sixth sense

a pact.

as midnight slowly stabs its way under the door

and drips between rows of overturned earth outside

on the cruel frozen farmland

we once called home.

you are a song.

Where Silence Takes You

trickle down......

well water wasted on another crack in the ground

Just for a short while we stood

stared

and stuttering I told her that flowers

were never the best way

to say "I'm sorry"

or i would have thought of it days ago

and trembling I left to walk up that hill

one step and one word at a time

thin branches still reach for the moon

among drawn shade

and frozen roses

softly soaring between the golden rings around your eyes

and an endless avenue of leaning birch trees

I haven't slept in days

for fear that you may vanish again

in passing

calm waters collect around low branches

a distant call on red wing point

a distant siren fading on highways

she's standing at the edge of a short pier

facing out into the distance

while black braids dance darkly

around her smouldering shoulders

one hand closed, clutching hope

one stretched open for the hand of his ghost

the sun sits frozen between the trees

blinks out and peeks over cold seas

a gift unopened placed at her bare feet

and the old boards creak where they used to meet

they give the world...

they wait for the word.....

the gift

the same strange dance for six years straight

the conqueror of the moon's quiet pale face

with her sly September grins

she's carrying a bouquet of northern lights

clutched close to her cradle

red running wild

she sees his last smile

underneath the sheets

where bright nights dim

in time, in tune with the receeding winds

remembering green tides of times frozen

she's searching all day on December beach

for a calm spot to lay

her final gift to him...

Cherish

If only there were a way

to call you back

I'd fly like a phoenix

into your arms.....

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (a mourning crown of phantom silk)

There she stands in the center of the room

dark green velvet smile and twilight hues

as though the silvers in the paper had come alive

she seems to be three people tonight

and this time seems different from all the rest

inches apart and in the dark

she guides his hands towards her heart

as lips tenderly brush just once

under falling fabric of winter dusk

which instantly fades with the coming morning light

to become just a hazy ghostly token

of times never spent

they knew no future together

but in moments of recollection..........

10 years ago when,

a braided length of hair was his most treasured possession

and how time seems to take great pains

to move so slowly at times like these

reflecting regrets in blinding bright diamond shine

they still sometimes wake

with tears in their eyes.

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (pale amber breath)

gulls fall

red running wild

and each time she blinks

in the grey quicksand skies

a chorus of stars learns to burn from her eyes

ascending trailing beacons

that bore through cold clouds

while her ghost passes darkly

through slow moving crowds

bronze fields of wheat

in a veil of spring rain

he wears her black army jacket

though she never came

the wet sands have stopped singing

fireflies haunt those long dead fields of clover

and all the telephone wires above

hum along loudly in blue with him

in endless protest to her absence

gulls fall.

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (to see you smile)

perched on the melancholy horizon of emptiness

where she was so sure dark skies did shine

and trailed between their gentle gaze a warm spring breeze

that guided his morning kisses

to grace her sleepy eyes

She heard the rattling tin winds barely there

pass over her frozen seas

caressing the ivory breath, the cold curtain

of deceased December dawn

every mask for every season

and all the sad signs she made with slow hands

in the hopes to somehow call him back again

recalling your youth

and the name you once went by

in the home where luck grew in the garden

once cold ocean away

sealed with a kiss.....

You Were a Part Of My Life.

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (you can't tell me.....)

patience in waiting

four formless shapes reaching for one another

in the early a.m. of 3:45

a massacre

the hill where you finally fell

splashed with stained glass rays

tall grows the heather where your beautiful body laid

the chattering, chirping sounds of children at play.....

faraway

forever....

and at any time

your passion for life does drift through the air

as a gently rocking boat

on soft grey overcast days

I'd stop time if it meant you could have read

the only letter I ever wrote you

I know you would have finally smiled

another year without you

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (taking you down with me)

there is a clock that has started

its slow sighs sign the canvas

hanging in her heart

winding wild ribbons

around the worlds they used to frolic in

before the distance gave them away

before the deep colours of sunset stopped rising

before the cracked mast of their final shipwrecked moments

there was a time you reminded me of summer

and the heavy air of the city we lived in

as black butterflies descended

in slow spirals from buildings

even blacker still

as heralds of the lunatic night myth

she saw his face again

in the still waters at her feet

perfect again

for just a moment

and then in resentment the soft snow falling

is lost in dark water cold waves crashing

where are you?

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (shelter)

Great deceit in the starlit corners of your grin

we are the holders of shallow sleep

rejoice

over the sunset lands and the quietly clicking shadows there

sigh

at the combined history of paradise and atrocity

accept

the love of your enemy and let go of your prey

weep

for the ghosts of all the shattered jewels you once knew...



she waits under a willow tree asleep

as warm winds hover around his branches

that gently grace her sleeping face

please don't let me forget you

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (released)

One bird flies forgiven from her heartbroken body

into the pearl white spotlit sky

where still time neutralizes apologies

and the dark purple dawn shines so bright

given time would that she one day might shine so bright

when every last easy colour is peeled away from night

he's taking away the sun and moon

so that he may better understand her face

unexpected but followed through

the call that never came

the fond beginning

where they were hardened by all the doors

that closed in their face

on a red raven Tuesday

she hums softly through her long dark hair

trying to put him back together through song

all the pieces of everyone you ever knew and loved

you will find again in pieces of other people

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (precipice)

There in the West waiting for one embrace

that no doctor or sunset could ever give

where copper trails of cloud do burn

above this slow spinning rock that awaits her return

it's been in the air since razor winter was born

her name as a cliff over a screaming cape of storms

and every piece of your life...

meant something wonderful to someone

this is what we were once made of

this is our six senses and seven wonders

another cursed number

is that all there is?

kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (wasted)

too young to grieve

too old to start

A tunnel torn through your warriors heart

the way you crawled like a lion

while white stars burned fierce in your hair

a shining path

cracked under your dark velvet footfalls there

made his cold bones sing with bright blue light

made the misty blood of heaven whisper through last twilights

I broke my neck trying to catch a glimpse of your ghost

for love and for treason

for it's all in her mind

Kotoshi saigo no yuki no hi (Side by Side)

downtown broken bough street

empty houses with sick lights surround you

left you two alone to

walk through Falls fallen colours

hypnotized by the steady failing eye

of the avatars gaze in the grey cobalt skies

living for that last scene

of all our wreckage and beautiful violence

framed in flames

you cry too much

should have left well enough alone

now measured steps march apart

in dark silhouette

with our broken black backs turned toward each other

forgive me

and our perfect days

prison

heart to hand

and body to mind

where devils wave in the daytime

there behind the curtain of your sunsetting smile

where we get what we came for

and fall in love again